dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
