I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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