I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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