she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
