I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
