I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
