I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
