Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We need to rekindle our bromance
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
