I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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