Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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