I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
