we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
