I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize