I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
