Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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