i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
