Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
