We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
