Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
