Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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