I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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