Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
