i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
