maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
