the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
