Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
