help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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