Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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