You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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