What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
