The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
