you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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