I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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