i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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