Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
