How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
