he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
