I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
