I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
