i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
