I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
