it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
