put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
