After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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