How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
