My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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