beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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