he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
