Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
