i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
