Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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