So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
