would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
