On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
