He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
