How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
