i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
