dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
