I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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