were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
