Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
