every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize