Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
