New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
