textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
