My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
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