i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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