That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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