I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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