so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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