Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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