Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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