We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
