Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
