:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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