well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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