If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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