"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you had me at cake vodka
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
