idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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