quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
