at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
