Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
