he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
