Christians are straight up FREAKS
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
