If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize