Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
