Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
