you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
