Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
