My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
