Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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