it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
